Dear Mom

I can't believe how time has flown since you left.So much has happened but it feels like you have been gone forever....I wish I could remember your face more clearly or how your voice sounded. There is so much you have missed and I miss you more every day. I can't wait to get to heaven tell you about the kind of woman I became... About how much I grew to love our Jesus....


We went to say good bye to you today ,mom. It was so surreal. I can't believe your gone. I can't comprehend that I could search the whole earth andI wouldn't be able to find you. When I saw your closed casket I wanted to tear it open. I wanted so badly to see you one more time, mom.Do I really have to go on without you?...

Andrew took me on our first date tonight, mom. You were right about how he sparkles. I think he is the one, mom. He even asked to hold my hand. He took me on a carriage ride around Charleston and then we ate at blossoms....


I moved back in with dad today , mom. I was going to get an apartment with some of my friends but I didn't want dad to be alone. There is something familar and warm about being at home although there are memories of you around every corner...Sometimes I walk into the kitchen expecting to see you there...standing at the stove or coming down the stairs. I miss you so much mom...you made this house such a beautiful home....


Andrew asked me to marry him tonight mom.I am engaged! can you believe it? He washed my feet as Jesus did. He said he wanted to serve me forever. He dried my feet with a towel that was embroidered with "Lindsay will you marry me?." I am going to plan our wedding now, mom. Remember the dress we picked out a few weeks before you died? It was so silly. ..I didn't even have a boyfriend then. But I am so glad we did.That day was so special. You made me feel so beautiful! The dress you liked...that you said was your favorite....I am going to wear that dress, mom.


I got married today,mom.I missed you so much. We laid flowers for you...lillys..your favorite. It was such a beautiful day,mom. Now I am a wife. I found a letter that you started to write to me for my wedding day but you never finished..I wonder what you were going to say....What advice did you have for me...I miss you so so much, mom...


I graduated from college today, mom. I got two bachelors degrees. Can you believe it? I remember the summer before I started college you were so excited about it. Everywhere you went you would tell people that I was going to college. You were so proud.It has been hard, mom. After you died I wanted to quit. It was so hard to go back..but I knew you wanted me to finish. Tonight we had a graduation party. Dad gave me my present from you. A beautiful ring and a letter. You really thought of everything...I am going off into the real world now , mom....are you watching?


Roman James was born today,mom. A boy! He is the most beautiful baby. He looks like a Taylor. I gave him his middle name after your dad. I can't believe I am a mother. Now I realize how much love you had for me.I keep imagining how happy you would be...your a grandma,mom! Your first grandchild!..............

I finished my Masters degree today ,mom.I can only imagine how you would be throwing me the biggest party.It was hard work, mom. Especially having Romie and working, too.I rolled up my diploma and put it in the linen closet...I so badly wanted to call you and show it to you....

I am pregnant again,mom. Another boy! His name is going to be Jude Michael. I am so excited to have another son. You are going to be a grandma again. Roman is excited too. He often points to my tummy and says "Baby Dude." I am due March 15th right before the anniversary of your death...that time of year is so hard but God had given me another reason to rejoice.......

God is Good....All the Time.

Here is something a little more personal for all of you faithful readers who check back....I will get better at posting on this blog I have been so tired lately and my laptop is down...

Andrew has been saying alot to me lately "Man, God is so good, He is just so good"I know Andrew has always been aware of Gods goodness but it has been making me think about that statement and how we as Christ Followers use it.
When Andrew says it is usually refers to his work and in turn how much money he is bringing home. We have been on an amazing journey for the past two years, specifically with his work. In January of 2005 Andrew was told to leave his job at our church for which we had served for 10 years. This news was unexpected and devastating to him. I had to watch the man I love go through a whirlwind of emotions from anger to denial to sobbing like a baby. It was hard to watch him question and find purpose in that season. It was also almost unbearable for me as a wife to watch the treatment of his situation and to be able to do nothing about it. Not long after that our benefits from the church stopped as did his salary which although he had switched from full to part time a year earlier, paid our bills. Andrew had been working construction on the side to supplement his church income. He picked this up full time and started working nights delivering pizzas. Even then we were only just able to make ends meet and some monthes couldn't buy enough food or pay the mortgage. It was a very hard and scary time. I personally was worn out from working on my masters full time while working the morning shift as a personal trainer at the gym.Just for dramatic effect can I add that I had to get up at 3:30 am to be at the gym to get off at 10am to care for a toddler throughout the day while working on graduate courses...

Then came the opportunity to buy a business. We had never thought we would own our own business. I married Andrew with the knowledge that I was going to be a ministers wife and I had prepared myself for everything that comes with that role.Andrew had never pictured himself outside the ministry or Seacoast so to be faced with the decision to buy a business was crazy to us. As we pursued the Lord and took this path we had so much confirmation it was amazing. The doors just opened and shut all at the right time and we had so much peace. We knew that we eventually would make more money in this business than in the ministry and Andrew was excited to be able to play the role of "provider" for more than just our basic needs.

As this year comes to a close Andrew and I have been amazed at the financial blessings of the last few monthes. We have had some enourmous bills to take care of and going into the "slow" season of the year and Christmas coming up we were a little anxious at times.

God has shown up and taken care of all of our needs, our huge bills, and some of our wants while allowing Andrew to be at home alot more...


So I have been thinking about the statement we declare in our excitement when we visibally see a blessing that "God is so good."

Is HE "more good" now than he was a year ago or two years ago when we felt like we were in a pit? Is God good now because we have a larger income or because Andrew is able to participate in our family life more? Do we only declare Gods goodness when things are seemingly under OUR control and going as we would have them go?


No. God is the same. As our circumstances and situations change and move we can be assured that our God does not.He is never changing. As the 8th Chapter of Hebrews tells us, He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.
He is the Alpha and Omega...the beginning and the end....

We can be assured that our God does not waver as our circumstance and relationships do. He who is the Glory of Israel does not lie or change his mind; for he is not a man, that he should change his mind." (1 Samuel 15:29). His promise to us is that HE is faithful. Even when we are in despair or without hope in the night HE can not abandon us because he cannot disown himself. We can be certain that although nothing in this world is certain.He is.

I have seen repeatedly in my own life how people and circumstances fail us. Relationships come and go, family members pass away..even the things we like to think are certain securities such as the love of our children or our marriages are not....But Gods promise to us is that HE does not change as the shifting shadows and that every good and perfect gift is from above.(james 1:17)
So often we praise God for the good things we see but his promise to us is that HE works everything out for our good. EVERYTHING.
My God is no less good in certain situations just because I think I am in a tough season and can't get my pea sized brain around a reason why.....

But I am like an olive tree
flourishing in the house of God;
I trust in God's unfailing love
for ever and ever.........xoxoxoxox Lindsay